Settling into the world again..

Two weeks pass quickly as we are very busy with orders and life events
I am thankful to be able to work in the 'cocoon' of Southern Swan without too much interaction with the outside world. I still feel as though I am in the 'Other Place' even though my body goes through the motions of the day.
It is as though I am functioning in a different zone to everyone around me...I feel as though I move very slowly and time has no significance.
It is such a comfort to have John and Tom going about the normal routines as I gradually return to this world.. I continue to stumble into pools of sorrow but am pulled out by a wave of joy when Benjamin's photo arrives each day from Jess.

Waiting to see the Pope drive by at Circular Quay -World Youth Day

Showing Ma Jess' wedding dress material and lace

My heart aches and becomes so heavy at times it feels hard to breathe. It is good to be able to tell John of my sadness..accepting it....and then move on with the tasks of the day.

It is wonderful to have the eulogy as a living document...my dear siblings and I adding  thoughts and memories as the weeks progress.
Here is my contribution..

I thought I'd share the things about Ma that have come to me this past week...

Images of dearest Ma..

Watching Ma get dressed up to go out somewhere special..(I used to love sitting on her bed to watch her in front of the mirror)

Doing last minute nail polish at the kitchen table.

At the old Singer sewing machine that had the knee-lever .(.she taught me to sew on that machine.)

Re-colouring her shoes with Colour Tone to match a new outfit.

Sticking plaster in her forehead when she had a headache.

Licorice showbags her favourite at the Easter show

The way she stood when taking a photo...such a weird pose...and often the image turned out crooked.

The amazing array of Santa pressies on our special chairs/piano on Christmas morning...think of all that shopping!!

The way she would feel and try to guess a present or guess who sent a letter before opening it.

Washing and colouring her hair at the Utility Room sink. (What other home do you know that has a "Utility Room"...so Ma)

Sitting up in bed on Mother's Day/Birthday for breakie in bed.. ( I used to love setting up the tray with pretty crockery and flowers)

Ma just 'ducking up to the shops'

Sitting next to Ma during Mass/Thursday night Novena and looking at the holy cards/memorandum cards in her Missal.

Beach combing looking for shells...for what seemed like hours.

Sounds of Ma..

The comforting murmur of Ma and Pa reciting the Rosary in their bed across the hall as I fell asleep at night.

The chink sound of bobby pins placed in glass dish as she unwound her long hair from the bun she always wore.

Clip/Clop/Scrape and she walked down the street in her high heels.

The muffled conversation through the lounge room door as she talked on the phone...while sitting on the floor...with a coffee.

Some of her favourite music...Vivaldi  Four Seasons(Mandolin Players), Carmen, Merry Widow

Mispronunciations...Melanie Safka "hoe down"...The Slades.. Cannies...(instead of tinnies ie Beer)

Ma's Cooking Specialties..

Sweet and sour chicken...made from scratch

Cottage Cheese slice/loaf ( her vegetarian special for Jane)

Chocolate Mint Slice

White Christmas

Pecan Pie

Strawberries sprinkled with sugar and Marsala

John encourages me to consider still attending the singing rehearsals/concert that I booked last December.It is to sing an abridged version of Handel's Messiah with the Tasmanian Symphony Choir and Orchestra under the direction of Richard Gill.. a rare opportunity.

It clashes with The St James May Ball..and I missed last year's Ball when visiting Ma for Mother's Day. However, with John's insistence that I do not let the opportunity pass as it will be an uplifting experience, I decide to go into Hobart on Friday.

John and Tom drop me to Huonville so I can get a lift with Hannah (she is doing her prac at the Community Health Centre. We have dinner in town then she goes off to work and I go to rehearsal at Federation Concert Hall. Very challenging...working with Richard and an accompanist. a great experience.

I meet Hannah at "Rockwall" afterwards and she drops me back to her place where I will sleep the night. She heads out for the evening. (Thanks for the cosy stay Narns)

Saturday is a bit drizzly but I walk into town (quite a walk but offers me solace) stopping for breakie at a bakery in Battery Point.

More rehearsals...a complete run through with the soloists and orchestra today. Quite an eye-opener to watch the goings on during the rehearsal. A short lunch break then more rehearsing...I am very tired by now..

The performance is at 3pm and John and Thomas come to hear it.. John said we sounded pretty amazing...especially the 'Hallelujah Chorus'.

Glad to head home stopping for dinner at Blackman's Bay..quite exhausted and very happy to get home to bed.

The May Ball went well...Tom seemed to enjoy himself.

Saturday morning was spent doing Archery in Huonville.

Sunday I am reminded of all those Mother's days spent with my Ma...the most recent ones...last year with all the siblings...such a memorable celebration...with Ma in good spirits. The previous year...she slept while Libby and I enjoyed the High Tea I set up..

I have always felt Mother's Day has always been more about my Ma than about me (as a mother).
My three darling daughters ring me through the day...just lovely..

John ,Tom and I drive down towards Southport to dig up some Marcocarpa by the roadside..

to go up on our land. On the way home, the boys treat me to morning tea at a new venue in Huonville called "The Cat's Tongue". Apparently they discovered it while I was away..as the waitress gave the impression they are regulars!!. We had the most amazing Belgian Waffles!! yummo.

back home we had a rest and lunch before going up on the hill to plant out the Macrocarpa. A lovely way to spend the day.

The following week is also busy...
Hannah calls in for a quick hug..

Lucy's beautiful Mother's day gift and card arrive.. thanks Lucy xx

I go down to garden on Thursday morning...but it just feels strange to be there...and really hard to be sociable...so I don't stay for lunch.

I have to fly out on Thursday night to get to Sydney to travel to Newcastle for Tim (nephew) and Sam's wedding on Saturday. It feel quite surreal to be travelling on the same flight I took a couple of weeks ago...arriving late. Lovely Libby picks me up at the spot where Lucy met me not long ago..I feel quite hollow and exhausted retracing those steps.

Friday we devote to dear Pa..
Jane and I visit in the morning..a peaceful visit.(We are glad to be able to give Chris and Libby a break from the responsibility they carry ...as they are the only 2 of us in Sydney..I appreciate how exhausting and challenging it is, being on the 'front line' of care and concern dealing with the practicalities of Pa's daily management..all done with great love. Thankyou  Chris and Libby)

Then we meet Chris and Libby at his unit in Ashfield , to give it a 'Spring' clean..(I am utterly useless as I realize I have lost my specs somewhere along the way...only have my sunglasses..and I am in a complete' flap'... I go back to check at our lunch spot at Croydon...no luck)
We head back via Concord to visit Pa again and check for my specs....a very distressing visit as Pa is very unsettled. Thank goodness for dearest Jane, who says she will sit with Pa for awhile.
Thankfully after some hours when I return to pick up Jane, Pa is settling into bed for the night.

A stunning day dawns for the wedding.
Jane and I check Pa is ok...and we feel there is no need us to stay with him through the day..
So it's back to get ready and drive to Toronto for Tim and Sam's wedding. (Thanks to driver Dewayne)
Wonderful for all us siblings to be reunited for such a happy event..
Stunning venue
Glorious afternoon
Beautiful bride and handsome groom.
A joyous ceremony.
Heartfelt extraordinary speeches..
A real privilege to be a witness to such a wonderful event.

It was Ma and Pa's 61st Wedding anniversary yesterday (16 May)

I ask Tim and Sam to pose in front of their cake just as Ma and Pa did...they oblige..just lovely

The next morning Jane and I enjoy and early walk along the bay.

We meet for breakfast and catch up with Marty one last time before heading back to Sydney (Thanks to driver Tim).

After a cuppa, Jane and I make our way to visit Pa before we head to the airport. It is a brief visit, but really good to hug him and give him my love.
Jane has an earlier flight so goes back to Rhodes Station... I have more time up my sleeve...and it is a beautiful afternoon..so I walk to Burwood Station...cutting through parkland  and familiar territory from my childhood. Very enjoyable.
Very, very glad to see the boys and head for home..